I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
