hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
