Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone came in the potted fern
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
