I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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