Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
