gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
