Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A bitchslap is in order.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
