i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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