she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He better not be in your backpack
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
