He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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