You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
