I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
