Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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