Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
