sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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