This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
