I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
