My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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