How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
