Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
