i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cut my penus on the lid.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
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