Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
