why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
