its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
