I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think people are normalizing furries
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
