i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
