Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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