I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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