She announced her abortion via fbk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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