I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
