I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Enjoy the penises
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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