The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
