dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
