New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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