i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
