I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
