I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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