im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
