I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
