Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
