Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I look better un-naked...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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