Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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