Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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