i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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