im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
