Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
