Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
