That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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