please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
