I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
