haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
