I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You ruined the universe
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