Is it because I queefed?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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