i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
