I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
