make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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