so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
