Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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